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The Summer Camp Experience by John T. Howe, former National President of the American Camping Association

During my 35+ years as a camp owner/director, I often received phone calls from the media asking, "What's new in camp this summer?" Without hesitation, my answer was, "If you've never been to camp, everything is new!"

For this reason, preparing your child for a first-time, resident-camp experience should be done in an upbeat and positive way. If parents are able to convince their children that they can have a great time living away from home, the kids usually adjust to camp quickly and have a pleasant experience.

For most children, attending camp is one of the highlights of growing up. How do I know? During my career, when I was asked what I did for a living and I responded "Camp owner/director," I was greeted with one of two reactions. Adults who had not been to camp as children made jokes about unreal camp experiences that they had obviously seen in the movies. On the other hand, those who had attended camp as children invariably got around to telling me what a difference camp had made in their lives; some even told about lifelong friendships made at camp.

There are a number of benefits to be derived from a resident-camp experience. When children start camp, they are on their own, sometimes for the very first time in their lives. They have to decide what to wear, what to eat, which activities to participate in. Counselors guide them, but the campers soon learn that they can make decisions on their own and they start to become more self-reliant. Also, good camp counselors will work toward finding something each child can do well or at least as well as his/her peers. Once this happens, children want to try other activities at which they can excel. In school, some children don't experience success and think of themselves as failures. Camp can be a school without failure; as a camper, just having fun makes you a success!

Over the years, I saw most campers have positive experiences that they were able to build on when they went back to school. After the summer, parents would call my office to sign up their children for another summer at camp. In the course of the conversation, they would mention how their child's grades seemed to improve after a summer at camp. A well-directed camp will focus on trying to make every camper experience success during the camp session. Despite the long hours and the effort required, it is enormously gratifying for the staff members to see the campers make almost daily progress in skill building and self-confidence.

Another area of camp life that is beneficial to children is the development of social skills. Often, a lack of exposure makes it difficult for children to develop friendships in their home neighborhoods. Some children can't make friends locally because there aren't many children who are the same age or the same sex. In a camp setting, a good counselor will make sure that every camper is included in group activities and that each child interacts with the others in a variety of daily-living situations. They learn the give-and-take of group living and that they have to depend on others (and others have to depend on them) to make the group function and be happy. Most camps have cabin cleanup and arrange for campers to take turns serving as "table hoppers." Table hoppers are responsible for setting the tables, bringing the food to the tables, and cleaning up afterwards. This is rotated around the group on a meal-by-meal basis or is a camper's responsibility for a day. When it's their turn to serve as table hoppers, the campers find themselves important to the rest of the group. After all, everybody wants to eat on time!

Parents often ask, "What is a good age for a child to start a resident camp experience?" My response is that you need to involve your child in the decision. Some children are ready at age 7, 8, or 9, and if they express an interest to start, they should have a good experience. Many children are hesitant to be away from home at that age; in that case, I suggest waiting a year or two. Most children start at age 10, 11, or 12. If they still are hesitant, then some parental encouragement may serve to convince them that living away from home with other children can be fun. Some of the worst homesick cases I encountered during my years in camping were teenagers. Learning how to adjust to new situations is an essential part of the growing-up process. Many children feel better if they attend camp with a friend. However, friends often come to camp wanting to be in the same cabin. This is fine but it can prevent them from making new friends, a fundamental part of the camp experience. top

Homesickness by Jon Metric, a program director for Supportive Children's Advocacy Network, Bronx, NY

But take heart! There are several things you as a parent can do to prevent homesickness or lessen its intensity and/or duration for your little camper.

• Ideally, you will involve your child in the search for his/her summer program. This will provide opportunities for you and your child to discuss the many aspects of being away from home for an extended period of time. Use these conversations to help your child build a realistic picture of what to expect at camp.
• Don't be afraid to raise the question of homesickness. Talking with children about homesickness will not cause it to occur; either they will be homesick or they won't. Talking about it will prepare them to know how to cope if they do experience it.
• Provide opportunities now for your child to spend nights away from you. These could consist of a sleepover at a friend's house or a weekend with relatives. Perhaps one of your child's friends also will be going away to camp; let your child and his/her friend take turns sleeping over at each other's house.
• Talk to camp personnel about your concerns as soon as possible. You can be sure that your child will not be the first homesick camper they have dealt with. So they will be able to offer helpful advice. Ask them how they have worked with homesick campers in the past.
• Ask the camp to provide you with the names and telephone numbers of other children who will be attending the camp. Try to arrange pre-camp meetings with some of them so your child can begin to form friendships ahead of time. Some camps may assign your child a "big brother" or a "big sister," a veteran camper who will help your child get adjusted to the camp.
• Let your child bring along any special "security blanket" s/he might have.
• Reassure your children. Tell them you are confident that they will be able to deal with their feelings, that the camp personnel are always there to help them, and that you are only a phone call away.

Usually, the worst symptoms of homesickness -- crying, depression, loss of appetite, difficulty in getting involved -- do not manifest themselves all the time. When homesick children become involved in enjoyable activities, the intensity of the homesickness subsides, and they may "forget" about it for a while. Sometimes, there is a relationship between the time of day and the intensity of feeling; often children miss home the most at bedtime.

If you talk to your homesick child, most likely you will hear only how much s/he misses you and home. S/he is not likely to tell you about the fun and the games that s/he has become involved in or the new friends s/he has begun to make. Try to remember this as you listen to him/her, and ask questions that will help the child recognize that camp is not "all bad."

Ask the camp personnel what they are doing to help your child. You know your child best, and you may be able to offer suggestions. 

So is there or isn't there a "cure" for homesickness? My experience indicates that no one thing will make it go away. I suggest the following:

• Tender Loving Care (TLC). And lots of it. See if you can arrange for one special staff member to work closely with your child, bond with him/her, and provide TLC.
• Encourage the camp to keep your child busy. Make sure they know what his/her interests and strengths are - and dislikes too - so they can direct your child towards activities s/he will enjoy.
• Be patient. Time is a great healer. With the right support, children learn how to deal with their feelings of homesickness.
• Don't overreact. Hearing your child's misery can tear at your heartstrings, and it is only natural to want to relieve his/her suffering immediately. But try to remember the reasons why you wanted your child to go to camp: new experiences, new friendships, new activities, and a greater sense of self-reliance. Again, be patient; give it time.
• Stay in touch with your child. If the camp permits phone calls to and/or from your child, take advantage of this. But set limits. Write him/her regularly.
• Stay in touch with the staff. Ask to talk with the person who is your child's main provider of support.

I also remember how my parents tried to relieve my discomfort. How they did everything they could to ease the symptoms. I remember their extra love and attention. How they gave me things -- books, puzzles, crayons, and paper -- to keep me busy and help take my mind off of how I awful I felt. They knew that the diseases just had to run their course and that eventually I would be fine. The similarities to homesickness are obvious.

As long as you are confident that the camp you chose was the right one and that appropriate support is being provided to help your child work through his/her homesickness, hang on. When your child's feelings become manageable -- as they will, given time -- s/he will feel a sense of accomplishment about having persevered and "grown up." Your child's camp experience will have been a success, and his/her enduring memories of it will be positive. top